Question is it possible to be too strong?
Answer: Yes. For tonight anyway, the answer is yes.
It is possible to be so strong, or rather, to give the impression of such strength that one is always assumed to be "ok" or "fine". When in fact, the very reason that one may be so committed to this impression of strength is because they are not ok, they are not fine. They may be quite the opposite, but because they are not shown compassion or empathy from others, they do not know how to request it. Further, they may feel like even upon request, they may be denied- as they have been in the past. The possibility that allowing vulnerability might make the situation even worse, makes the the "strong one" opt out of sharing the moment of weakness w/ others. If they are to be left alone w/out support , it is better that it be some what voluntary.
Pain by choice. It is painful to see others who are tended to and cared for emotionally and otherwise so easily. To watch with the quite knowledge that you are just as needy, but you cannot receive compassion and care b/c you are not supposed to need it. Tonight is hard b/c the problems that others face could not possibly belong to you, or so they think. And I sit quietly and listen to their complaints, their pain, their worry, their issues. Never revealing my own that are just as bad or worse. B/c the strong one isn't supposed to. The strong one isn't supposed to ever lose hope or faith or confidence. And if they do it is perceived as a long fall from grace.
The funny thing is, being the strong one doesn't actually get you any more respect, or admiration, or- well, anything positive. It just makes you invisible. Easy to ignore b/c you don't need attention at all. You won't have a break down like others will. You'll get over it in the end, so there is no need for anyone else to have a care in the world about you. B/c eventually, you'll figure it out all on your own and; be as good as new. So, tonight is a bad night. But tomorrow it's back to being strong. B/c no matter how much it hurts, I can't not be.
At this point, there's no one paying enough attention to notice the difference. If I were weak tomorrow, there's still nobody there to offer comfort or support. They already have their hands full with the not-so-strong. Everyone's full attention is focused on the-not-so-strong b/c they know eventually they will need assistance. But not the strong. When the strong cry for help- it's seen as a false alarm. Eventually, if it's just ignored- the cry will stop. And before you know it, the strong will be back to strength.
